Last Sunday afternoon (4/29) I found myself with what has become of late an exceedingly rare bit of free time. My two young sons were napping as was my wife AnaLee who is 5 months along with our daughter due in August. A rare opportunity to sit in the stillness of the dining room and read the Sunday Times, a seemingly simple thing that I can manage to squeak in about twice a month. I always read the main stories after which I invariably head for the Sports section, but not this time. This time I did something I never do, EVER. Inexplicably I lightly browsed the obituaries, not looking for anyone or anything, just musing over the photos of two local young soldiers tragically killed in Iraq and anonomously feeling for their loved ones. I breezed over names and occasional photos thinking abstractly about their lives and sympathizing with their families and friends. There's city councilman Charlie Chang (Chong? I forget) the pot-hole fixer, and then I froze as my eyes met the grainy photograph of someone I knew. A friend that I loved. It must be a mistake but there's the name under the picture, Lara Karena... I don't know how long I sat motionless on that quiet afternoon staring at that photo, time seemed to stand still. In a sort of stunned shock I wandered downstairs and got on the computer, googled "lara karena kellogg" and sat for an hour reading about the accident and about her exploits of the last decade. I wandered outside and stared at my cell phone until I willed myself to remember a phone number I hadn't dialed in 17 years...long forgotten it just jumped back into my head. I dialed it and heard the voice of Lara's mother Guna on the other end. I could tell from the way she said "hello" that it was real, and that was the moment the horrible truth sunk in. In the days since I've had thoughts of Lara and memories from long ago in my head constantly. At work, at home, in bed trying to sleep but just thinking, thinking, thinking. I'd only seen and/or been in contact with Lara a handful of times since 1990 for no other reason than we had grown into two busy people with different interests and goals but not for any waning of friendly affection for one another. I checked on Lara's exploits and accomplishments from time to time via "google" and knew sooner or later I would elbow-in to her busy life for a moment here and there to catch up and share stories. Even though I hadn't spoken to her in over 8 years I was content just knowing she was out there kicking-ass and doing her Lara thing. I knew we'd cross paths sometime. Now it's sinking in that we won't be able to do that. I'm angry at myself for letting so much time pass. Lara didn't know that I finally found my soul-mate (after many notoriously poor romantic choices that made Lara roll her eyes), she doesn't know I have a family of my own now. She would have been pleased to know that I landed on my feet after some self-induced hard times. I feel guilty that I didn't act sooner so my wife AnaLee could have had the pleasure of meeting this wonderful person. I'm amazed at the constant stream of old memories popping into my head, some not thought about for over 20 years. Some are humorous or dramatic events but many are seemingly insignificant little moments that one wouldn't expect to remember so long after the fact, a glance, a walk in the woods, stopping for french fries on the way to Cannon Beach...why would I remember that?
Thank you Tim for setting up this blog. I've read the whole thing several times and left a few myself and it's helping me cope with this crushing grief that I'm feeling. I hope nobody minds me piping in here and there as memories and thoughts about Lara come back to me, for it's really been good therapy for me. I'm heartened to see what wonderful people Lara surrounded herself with these last 20 years, though I would expect nothing less.
Mark Fluegel
fenderdog@aol.com