A Year of Reminders, A Lifetime of Memories

A year ago today- April 15- was the last time I saw Lara. After she spent the night at our house, we had breakfast together, then Lisa and I accompanied her and Jed to the airfield in town to see them off on their flight to the mountains. We helped them pull their bags to the tarmac and then there were some last minute loose ends to tie up before departing. Lisa and I are not big on long goodbyes, so there, bathed in the morning sun streaming through the windows of Talkeetna Air Taxi’s log office, we said farewell. Lara hugged me so hard it compressed my rib cage. I knew she was apprehensive, but we had talked together all winter about her dreams and fears for this trip; I knew her well enough as a friend and a climber that I was confident that her mind would calm once in the mountains she loved, away from her busy life and all the distractions. As we drove out of the parking lot and on toward our day, Lisa turned to me and said, with a nervous laugh concealing her concern, “Gosh…Lara hugged me so tightly, it was like she was never going to see me again…”.

The past year has featured continuous reminders of the hole Lara’s passing has left in my life, as I know so many others have similarly experienced. For many months, countless places I went were places where “my last time here was with Lara”. So many times I heard a joke, did something fun, or learned some interesting fact where my initial instinct was that I wanted to call her and tell her about it, only to remember solemnly a half second later that this is simply no longer possible.

I keep returning in my mind to that final hug and the look on her face as we parted ways- she was, as always, as excited as a child at Christmas for the adventures that awaited her. But also, I sensed in her eyes and her expression a sort of resignation, almost sadness, like something was out of sorts and which she knew she was powerless to change. I have spent much of the past year wondering if Lara intuitively, if not consciously, knew that she was near the edge, silently waiting for someone to pull her back. I sensed that she secretly hoped I would provide her a logical reason to go do something else. Only too late did I recognize I had suppressed my own intuition’s urge to ask more questions. Regardless of whether the outcome here could have been averted, I remain convinced that even a few words can matter deeply. I will never make this mistake again.

Throughout my life I will think of her often- all that she might have been had she grown old, and all that she was in just 39 short years. She was perhaps the most inspirational and supportive friend I have had, and I have known few persons with so many varied and creative talents. I would be surprised to meet another person like her in my lifetime.

Her memory, like the mountains and wild places she loved to explore, remains timeless and beautiful.

-Mark Westman

Lara's research gets published

In January, Lara’s research from her MS degree was published in Landscape Ecology, a top tier ecological journal. As a fellow graduate student and colleague, I witnessed her hard, work, blood, sweat, and tears that went into this research. It’s great to see it disseminated to the scientific community now. Special thanks to Don for making sure this happened.

One of the qualities that I admired about Lara most was her ability to discuss the spatial autocorrelation structure of historical fire regimes with the same ease that she discussed technical rock climbing. It’s easy to think about how far Lara could have gone in her career and education, as she knew no limits and demonstrated her confidence. Like us, the field of landscape ecology is missing out from her presence and contributions.

Here’s a link to the abstract of her publication:
http://www.springerlink.com/content/p6r68t131863000t/?p=f56cd2e8837b41e4aef2e6933ceb335c&pi=9

The full text is copyright protected. Let me know if you would like to see the entire article.

-Crystal

A New Year

Last month, a group of ladies gathered together at Diana's home to not only celebrate Lara's life, but also to share how we are dealing with the absence of a dear friend now that considerable time has passed.  For me, I wasn't in Lara's inner circle of friends yet I still think about her all the time.  I got to know her over the past few years via overlapping friends, memberships to the same climbing gym, a weekend in Trout Creek, construction at my house and a shared love of clothing and music.  And we talked about trail running a lot.  But it wasn't until after she was gone that I began to fully comprehend just how beautiful, brilliant and hardcore she truly was.  Listening to everybody speak about her with such passion, watching the slideshows of her amazing accomplishments, communig with people she loved really inspired me.  I felt as if I had been living life too comfortably and conservatively.  I wanted to do something beyond my scope of possibilities and push myself like she did.  So I decided to attempt to run a 100 mile trail race which is something I had always wanted to do, but never believed I actually could do.  Seeing how she lived her life gave me the courage to at least try.  I dedicated my run to Lara and asked friends and family to sponsor me by making a donation to the Lara Kellogg Memorial Fund.  With everybody's support, I ran the Cascade Crest 100 Mile Endurance Run at the end of August.  Her spirit got me through the rain, the muddy night section, the 21,000 ft. of elevation gain and the pounding downhills all the way to the finish line.  Thank you to all who encouraged and supported my efforts.  My employer, Outdoor Research, generously matched donations and together we raised over $7000 for her fund.  That experience changed my life.  It galvanized me and helped realize that although somebody is no longer present in your daily life, their love and legacy will always remain.  

Here's to a New Year full of adventure, illumination and redefining your limits.

Love,

Jenny

Cherished Lessons

Lara was a few years older and light years wiser than me and I am grateful for all the things I learned from her. She taught me how softness is not the same as weakness. She taught me that it’s possible to hold your own and still be kind. And she taught me that sometimes you’ve just got to let fly when someone needs it—but never in a petty way.

Lara also taught me that if you push yourself and do your best it is never a waste, even if things don’t work out like you’d hoped. A good workout and a lesson from life are sometimes prize enough.

A little time has passed now, but I think about her every day as I cross the West Seattle Bridge, every time I see Mt. Rainier in the distance, every time I play in my garden. We used to work together landscaping and now I find her smile in the smell of the earth and plants.

The amazing thing is, even now I feel Lara’s lessons. When something is too hard or too heavy or too far I feel her presence and know that any challenge I meet is there for a reason. When fear or hesitation strikes, I feel her nudge.

With love and gratitude,


Karen Kraft
Seattle, WA

still thinking of you...

Hey Lara, I was driving home from a gig tonight and heard "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John on the radio. It reminded me of driving to California with you in 1985, your head on my shoulder as you slept while I drove all night long in my old Prelude. I remember that song coming on and I sang it to you softly as you snored in my right ear. Everywhere I turn something reminds me of you. I'm in the process of moving and while going through old boxes I found some slides(!) I took of you in 1983. Maybe Tim can help me figure out how to post them. Miss you. Mark

Lara was an amazing friend

I know its been a while but no computer at basecamp.

Mark and I spent last winter climbing and having dinners and going out with her and Chad. She always had everything under control and loved taking care of us, I jokingly started calling her "wife number two" because she always took great care to make sure Mark was well fed and she checked in with Mark every day to see what we were up to.

I was just thinking about the last 24 hours I spent with her in Talkeetna the day before she flew in. She showed up with Jed and was sorting gear on our front lawn; she was tired from everything it took to get to Alaska but was excited. I finally got a chance to take care of her for once, making her dinner (for a change) and finding last minute gear she needed for her climb. That night she gave me a sunflower coffee mug. We share great love for coffee (she turned me on to Petes), and she remembered sunflowers are my favorite.

After dinner and done with the gear sorting we watched a movie and she fell asleep in the middle of it. The next morning we headed to TAT and I will never forget the hug and kiss on the cheek she gave me before getting on the plane; it was filled with love and excitement for her trip and in a weird sense like we weren't going to see each other again. I will always think of Lara as the most motivated person I ever met. She lived every day to its fullest. I am so sad and will miss her so much.
Lisa Roderick

Big Sister, ittle brother...

My dearest Lara,

I am finally home in West Seattle... Last night I went straight to your house (as I always would), and I heard a familiar voice over the fence at Lori's, and it was Roberts!!! They invited me over and we spent the evening eating pizza and drinking wine, and talking about you late into the night... Every once and awhile Jessie would bark and we would take turns yelling at her...JESSIE!!! It felt really good to be there last night...Robert misses you so much! Lori told me that she is intent on getting an open space dedicated to you in West Seattle, you loved West Seattle so much, I know you will enjoy it when it’s done... Later I went over and spent some time with Lippy and Jessie. Lippy told me he misses you. I sat next to him and he put his head on my lap, I couldn't hold back the tears, and I could feel your presence all around me in the house. I didn't want to leave, couldn't make sense of your death, and I miss you so much. Lara, missing your memorials and not being around the one's who loved you was the worst. Yet, my time in the mountains was spent day after day thinking of you. Your presence was with me every step of the way, and this made me smile. Being alone with my thoughts in Tibet, and not having anyone around who knew you made it very difficult. I would tell random people how amazing you were and still are to me... I am going to spend time this week doing things that we enjoyed doing together. Celebrating your amazing life, that you wore so well. Living the moment, being the moment, and having fun… Lara, I miss you so much!!! I will check in with Lippy as much as I can…

Your friend,

Eric